Monday, February 27, 2012
haha i'm back again! (: it's study break now, 2 weeks left to finals, and then year 2 will be over (: ok not really, there's still special term, but oh wells, good enough for me ((: haha i really shouldn't be here; i think i should be studying for finals instead, but omg, i am so sick of mugging hehhh D:
i don't understand why i'm like this now omg, i just have no motivation to do well anymore haha. so unlike last time :/ am i just settling for mediocrity now?! i hope not haha, maybe i'm just tired, or something. maybe when my mood picks up i'll be all fired up and ready to strive a bit harder just like i used to haha (: gosh i miss those days.
haha i realise i've been keeping this blog for like, 9 years now (: well done haha, though i guess my frequency of blogging has seriously decreased A LOT A LOT over the last 2 years. blame it on dentistry man, i don't even have time for myself now, much less any time for blogging at all hehe ): can't wait for the hols already! (:
it's been such a hectic term i don't even know i got through it omg ): full of theory tests and CAs and competencies, AND the dreaded lab work omg. ): in the end i still couldn't finish all my labwork but whatever, i tried, like really hard (and that includes coming to sch at 7:30 am in the morning omg, poor me ) and that's enough (: and i have some really nice friends who've been constantly helping me with lab and everything (: thanks friends, not like you all will ever see this, but you've really been a great help (:
the last 2 weeks i've been so stressed that i keep sitting in novena church every evening and praying/stoning for a while, just to soak in the peaceful atmosphere and destress. it really helps i guess haha, there's this serenity about the whole place that it really hard to find elsewhere (: i can't sit there for too long though, my sinful self feels damn out of place after a while too heh oops ): but it was nice just being able to think a bit, reflect on what i could do better and just give thanks for all the graces i've received (:
i've come to realise that, much as life sucks really badly in dentistry, good things have also been happening to me, just that i've failed to see them earlier on i guess. oh well i was probably just blinded by angst and all. but that stage has passed for me already i think, i feel like i'm healing, and maybe soon, i'll be back to who i was last time (: i miss myself sometimes haha, it sounds stupid i know, but i'll remember what i was like last time, and i'll be so emo omg, because i'd give anything to go back to the past, and be the same girl i was last time. never mind that i was just a tad stupider, and maybe loads more naive, and a lot less confident back then. but i was also kinder, and more optimistic, and much less hardened and jaded. right now, i'm probably just a little twisted inside. it's quite creepy omg, because my appearance doesn't look at all like what i am inside haha.
but anyway, i've been rambling again haha. bad habit omg. back to the point! (: i'm just glad i'm healing, and recovering from all the emotional trauma, and i do really really regret pushing God away during those rebellious times when i was angry at the world, angry with myself and all my stupid choices, and basically angry at everything. I feel bad for refusing to go to church, and for saying that everything bad that was happening to me in school, in my love life, etc, was all cos of God, just because i thought he had the power to control everything. oh well. from now on i swear i'm not going to blame anyone else for the stupid choices and mistakes i make. haha (: new resolution for the lenten season (: I actually thought that i'd sacrifice bitching about people, but i think i'm just not ready yet. not mature enough haha, maybe i'll keep that for next year's lent :p
ok enough reflecting, haha, i'm going to try and motivate myself to study now (: i miss RJ omg ): i think that if i could go back to the 3rd floor of the RJ library to mug right now, i'd feel so at home that mugging would be a breeze HEH (: oh wells, jiayou to me!! :D
